A winner born every minute . . .


Dogboy was so excited last night that he offered to buy.

"And not just the cheap stuff," he said, slamming a five on the bar. "Some of that imported draft pee you like. Man's beer."

Five didn't buy much at the bar we were at, but the thought was what counted.

"Married life agrees with you, huh?" I said. I hadn't seen him since he and Mama Squeeze made their hookup legal.

"Marriage - uh, don't know about that." He smiled and waved the bartender over.

His pupils weren't dilated, and his nose looked normal. So why was he in, not a good mood, but a buying good mood?

"I'm a lucky man," he told me while we waited for our beers. "Check it out."

Dogboy pulled out his cellphone and clicked up an email he'd saved.

De Lotto (Electronic Lotreij)
Postbox 3074
2280 GB Rijswijk
The Netherlands
www.lotto.nl

Our dear certified winner,

The Board of Directors of Netherlands lottery promotions announces to you as 1 of our 10th lucky Winners of this year annual New year Christmas Bonanza draw held on 29th of October 2007, here in United Kingdom. All participants for category A (online version) were selected randomly from World Wide Web (www) through computer balloting system drawn from over 100,000 names database, union associations and corporate bodies that are listed online. And your email address emerged alongside with 9 other as category .A. winner. Consequently you are therefore been approved for a payout of 2,000,000.00 (Two million Pounds) only.

The following particulars are attached to your lottery payment order.

I started laughing.

"Yo, what's so funny?" said Dogboy.

"Are you kidding me? It's a scam."

"Shit it is."

"It's one of those Nigerian things."

"That's where you're wrong A-hole. It's from the Netherlands. Whole other place. You are just one cynical son of a bitch. You probably don't even believe in Christmas."

I ended up paying for the beers myself, just like always.