Vote early, vote often

Dogboy turned up at the cafe for coffee this morning, looking unusually chipper. Ordinarily if he's up that early, he's on his way to bed. But today he had a full day ahead of him, and was just getting up a head of steam.

Someone asked the Dog if he'd voted.

"I already voted four times," he said, sipping a tall-boy caffeine-plus straight black no sugar.

Dogboy believes in democracy. He's kept his registration open in every place he's ever lived; has to be up to several dozen by now.

"Only four?" asked someone else.

"Would've been six, but the polls at **** hadn't been opened. Seems Lucy had the key, and no one knew where she was."

In New York, the polls open at 6 a.m. Dogboy got there around 6:45. It sounded like a scandal was brewing.

"They had to let you vote somehow," said John, whose grandfather is an election worker. Can't see, can't drive, doesn't drink anything but Bud Lite, but he's still chipper enough to be a guardian of our democracy. "It's the law."

"I know," said Dogboy. "I volunteered to break a window, but they wouldn't go for that. Would probably have doubled next year's town taxes anyway."

Dog took a sip from his cup before continuing. Ordinarily this early he'd be chasing it with Red Bull, but the cafe had sold out during Apple Fest and hadn't gotten its shipment in.

"So they handed out absentee ballots," he continued. "Had people fill them out."

"I thought you said you didn't vote," said John.

"I didn't. I don't trust those absentee things. Too easy to cheat. Don't want to be involved in no voter fraud thing . . ."