Dogboy


Dogboy was feeling kind of down after the Yankee loss the other night and rather than having him hang around my office and shoot .44 caliber holes in the dictionaries like last year, I took him down to one of the local bars and bought him a beer. Buying Dogboy any amount of beer can be a dangerous thing, but I took the normal precautions, locking his weapons in my gun safe and tucking some emergency bail money in the bottom of my boot.

Somewhere in the middle of Dogboy's second beer a woman with black hair and blond roots sat down next to us. Dogboy glanced at her, then did the eye roll thing he does.

"Never saw a blonde dye her hair black before," he said. He was pretending to talk to me but the comment was clearly meant for her.

"I never saw a talking asshole with a buzz cut before," said the woman.

I guess that passed for witty in her corner of reality.

Ordinarily, Dogboy would respond to a putdown that poor by calling the bartender over and buying the woman a drink out of sheer sympathy. But he was in one of his moods that night and instead of turning the other cheek threw his beer in her face.

She jumped on him. He fell off the barstool and they rolled on the floor, knocking over a couple of chairs and breaking a table in the process. The table was kind of beat anyway, but the bartender decided that as a matter of policy he couldn't encourage that sort of thing, and called the police.

One thing led to another. The bail money came in handy. And Dogboy called me up this morning to say he and Blondroots are getting married next month in Vegas.