But what I want to know is - why is St. Peter standing on Trajan's Column?*

Walking backwards

I dump my stuff and go down Via Nazionale, trying to make like a Roman and ignore the traffic. Few people are really Roman here, so the people I'm trying to blend in with are actually other tourists pretending not to be tourists. But no one wants to be a wide-open mouth-gaping tourist. So I keep my mouth closed, eyes unfocused, very 21st century blase . . . until I take a left and go down a set of stairs.

The second century suddenly appears in the middle of a parking lot before me. Then the first century.

This is Rome.

We're all tourists here. And that's not a bad thing.

*Actually, I know the answer to that: Pope Sixtus V ordered it there in 1588. Now all I have to do is figure out how six becomes five, and I'll know everything.